Flaming Crab Testicles + Tourism = Post?

Holy flaming crab testicles Batman, it's 7:45 and Alex Petersen is awake! Yes, it is indeed true, I have woken up early. For those of you who don't know, I'm sixteen, and by default I tend to sleep till well past noon, which gives the residents of Santa Barbara plenty of time to go out and get their coffee before they have to scurry back inside to avoid my wrath before I awaken. So why the sudden shift in sleeping pattern? Is there something wrong Alex? Are you really Alex? Well, I'll answer all of those questions in order. I woke up early today partially because this gives me an extra few hours to remain a blight upon humanity, and partially because... I. GOT. A. JOB... BITCHES. Yes! 'Tis a joyous occasion indeed, for today it seems that I will not be in my garage constructing illegal weapons out of miscellaneous lawn mower parts, but instead will be out exposing myself to the cruel light of the day star, developing my less-than-satisfactory social skills, and making obscene ammounts of money (minimum wage... aww hell yeah). Here's a little more info on this exciting new development in the life o' Alex; I will be working as a bus boy at a well known and busy restaurant located right smack in the middle of Santa Barbara's tourist industry. Yeah, for those of you who aren't familiar with tourism in Santa Barbara, lets me put is this way; there are so many tourists, that it oft makes the locals wonder why we can't shoot them if it is indeed tourist season. I'm serious, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. It's like a ravenous zombie horde that sets upon Santa Barbara in the Summer, hellbent on taking pictures of our houses, blocking roadways, and attempting to make small talk with anyone who looks local. Don't get me wrong, we need our tourists, they are the lifeblood of this sleepy lil' coastal city; the fact remains however, that even though I will be benefiting from the sheer volume of the tips left by the tourists, I will still have to engage in some sort of social interaction with them. I do not cope well with idle chat with strangers. In fact, I think the best I'll be able to hope for will be to not shreik at them and scamper into a corner every time someone makes the mistake of asking me for a refill. As for the other questions? No, nothing is wrong. Yes, I am really Alex. If you doubt that last statement, I advise you to contemplate: who else on Earth would dispense this literary bilge in such freedom and volume? That's right. No one. Well, my dearest readers, it has been fun, but alas, I must flee the comforting glow of my computer in order to attend my job and maintain some sort of semblance of a funcional human existence. This is the end of my post. I'm leaving now. Go away.